TABOO OR FORETOLD? SHAMAN KNOWS! SHAMAN ALWAYS KNEW.

Taboo or foretold? Shaman Knows! Shaman always knew!This ME knew! Shaman KNEW this too.

I have come across a rather "unique" situation and damn...it is hard to pass this one up. It may compromise my personal laws and moras to an extent but it is not a chance people come across often. As many of you know I have lead a rather weird and eclectic life and have run from my now conservative, racist ( they said,"Obama would have the blacks act up so you better not vote for him") Southern, W.A.S.P ,(you will have to look that up) Christian, Chapel building to memorialize the dead, Country Club/University Club belonging family.

I love them , don't get me wrong. We all love our families---faults and all, or should for the most part (awful circumstances not withstanding) I love them but need to finish what THEY started LONG ago with younger me running around naked, or near that state at least as was the norm for where I was uprooted to, in a jungle atmosphere with the kids from this or that tribe and experiencing what THEY did, partaking in hallucinogenic ceremonies that would have had me snatched away from them quickly by the government in any Western civilization and given to a better home (there was no better home--they were the best)

I need to finish this remembering and dreaming. I need to remember the blanket tosses while the rhythmic drums of the Inuit's pounded out a hypnotic trance state as they chewed on sinew and played in mukluks and a parka in the snow , eating ice and seal fat like a snow cone. I need to go back to the roots, the actual VINES and "flesh of the Gods" mushrooms, the Yopo ceremonies and Fly Agaric that took me above my own Doppelganger to watch my previous life.

The shaman told me at one point I could not join in at first (I could not play their reindeer games) I was different, and I might fall into a state we call, not the Shaman however, Twoofing. They knew it as a much older possession or way of the spirit. Shaman knew! I only knew my cousin/lover/best friends watched in intrigue--The Shaman knew he played a larger role in my destiny/Sanguinarian-sexual awakening than the wrold ever would. Not afraid of my "awakening beast" because he has his own and had seen the tribes and many other tribes Ghost, Fairies, beast and mythos along with me.

Shaman finally let me into the inner rituals after great debate and asking of Gods and spirits and said I would return, albeit down the line, AFTER I had come to learn those certain sacred and wise ways that were needed. (HE knew) I need AGAIN the spirit peoples talking Godplants to take me to that OTHER world where I first met that ME that I was only allowed a glimpse of because I was to young, naive and new to the ways of the people or even that special forgotten way of being, turned into lore and fear by many cultures.

It would bring to life, way too fast, certain areas of existence Shaman matter of factly stated as an exsistance I was not yet ready to exist in nor was I entitled to, yet with no real answer of yes or no...just a smile and nod of , "Yes, maybe" and things to come (Ha too late--the saga of blood is thicker than water and so is sexual awakening as it had already began its part in the timeline) It was set in motion.

I am hoping my cousin that went on the travels with me all those years ago growing up (it was Micha, his younger brother Jovi and me) still can feel, smell, remember that sacred time. Older brother/cousin/lover to be had figured out my secret before even I had on the jungles edge one day when he pricked his hand on a large wooden splinter from a dead tree. The blood flowed and *IT* began. The proclivities we have that stay with us--did it stay with him? The need? The curiosity? THE FORBIDDEN. The unafraid teen more enthralled in the secrets than the consequences!?

Taboo...says Western society, but we were worlds away from that reality. We KNEW ritual like old hat and it knew us.WE were the ritual, blood,lover, brother, cousin, soul mate, tribe member and all at once.Younger cousin of my helper, to my awakening, his BROTHER, looked on with a KNOWING, a jealous lovers knowing, and that of an old soul that rediscovered its morning cappuccino but could never drink it for fear of the burn, the GOOD burn! HE remembered! Shaman told him he had a part to play in unfolding events with a nod and a pat on the shoulder and watched the strange toe- headed lost children so out of place yet right where the fates wanted them, awakening to many different, erotic and ancient ways in HIS and the jaguar spirits jungle.

Shaman watched an eye of a learned and kindly elder serpent GOD and without the judging eye of the Western ways people wince they, the strange trio, had come from. Shaman KNEW the blood would flow before the story was over and the keening hitched breaths and bit back barely audible moans, words spoken in THEIR tongue, ancient and magic, whilst exploring touches, butterfly touches like gossamer across goose bumped skin that started to accompany each "accidental" nick and cut which, for the older boy, would become a need fulfilled down the line by the "jealous" watcher from the behind the Banyan tree. His tears left behind the only trace he had been alone at all in his longing, un tasted NEED. But,Shaman saw. Shaman KNEW!

The "Human beings" as they call themselves,as most indigenous peoples there did, see it, this sexual awakening, as The Pleasure Principle and teach it as thus.It bound more by blood of the soul mates and essential to knowing a soul,even cousins if it be foretold. Wrong or right we became inseparable, adding in a third and loving missing link that had to wait for its time in this piece, the magnum opus (we knew when he spoke our secret "Language" and his eyes understood) and we 3 hid NOTHING from the HUMAN BEINGS kindly eyes, non-judgmental in speech and looks.

We were of one body some of the elders would say. Empathy times three. Each of us reacting and feeling for the other two ,FEELING so deeply as if we were one being split apart for the needs that drove us--- one for blood, one for sex and one tears, each one directing and teaching the others in the "specialty" they had acquired. Awakening to fingers twirled and entwined in Papaya and Yucca smelling hair or an ear upon a heart, not knowing where one begin and the others ended.

Only innocence was seen by the HUMAN BEINGS. nothing wicked or unnatural! A beautiful seedling growing from a rare jungle mutated vine that would, however, bring about an unfolding sadness. Shaman knew *IT* was not meant to be in OUR world, the dead world, Shaman said. No one ever judged HERE, using the words and curses of the Mono-Gods Dogma , the pointed fingers of fear and accusation of the world we had to return to soon. Shaman didn't have the heart to break ours.

So young we were. Teens, yet childlike and naive in what we saw as our RIGHT and innocence in the world. We left a part of us all in that jungle of emotions and foretold events! I can still awaken some times and still smell the morning jungle dew mixed with their scent, but quickly it fades! Faded memories snatched away from me by light pushing in through city smog, giving it an unnatural look,chasing away the allure and pull of my old home. I need to know because SHAMAN KNEW . He KNEW!

So, now I have to go back now to the SKIN WALKERS, the Otherkin, the Shape shifters , the Loup Garou of the tainted world and impure ways these have come about with technology and myths. Coming back and possibly giving up on my schooling and studies, even my Internship for now. I had excepted to take this path. It is filled with rituals and learning beyond any college or professor.

The teachers are the plants and the spirits, the changing energy and what YOU and many ,even part of me, has forgotten walking in our technological world with shoes on pavement and steel, no connection to the Powers, the Gods and Goddesses', things the Western World calls Myths and Legends, not real.I think I have to go back and learn this way. I will go after the end of this month to see if this is MY path for the summer, or longer. Something is in the air. Something of an NEW awakening .Static charge.(A bit back moan escaping, remembering?) A change, a need to know. Secrets forgotten and pieces remembered.

NEED is a wonton creature born of things we dare not speak of. Need is change for some and it must be now for me. SHAMAN KNEW and STILL KNOWS! Now I must know and REMEMBER.